Happy New Year! I always find something COMPLETELY missing when I read articles about setting new goals for the new year. I usually learn informative things about goal setting and working towards goals, but the focus is always on the goal or the act of reaching this goal. What about TAKING TIME to figure out what your goal is going to be?
No one talks about taking the time to FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT. There is no better way to set yourself up for failure than by setting a goal towards something that you don’t truly desire. But there is nothing better than setting a goal towards something that you really really want and something for which you know that you are willing to become uncomfortable.
So this new year, don’t set a goal for yourself just for the sake of setting a goal at the new year. That’s silly. For the first month, or even two months, take the time to evaluate your life. Think about the things you don’t want (but do not focus on this) and use those thoughts to figure out the things that you do want. What is the one thing you want for yourself the most this year and the thing that you are willing to fight for? Set a date of February 1 or even March 1 to have a finalized goal to work towards for the rest of the year. I guarantee the goal you set for yourself in February or March, after taking some time to figure out what you truly want this year, will be much more successful than the goal you set on New Year’s Day.
Try the Happiness Journal to help you figure out what you desire for better new year goal setting. Don’t know what you want? Click here. Try the Happy Healthy mini starter package.
“I want to know what I want.” Stuck in a rut? Obsessively thinking about how you don’t know what you want to do with your time, your life, or how you want to get where you’re going? Those thoughts get tiring and pull us in circles. It’s hard to make those thoughts positive, because, well, if we only knew what we wanted or how we wanted to get there, we would just be positive about it!
Best way to turn those thoughts into thoughts of positivity and desire is by starting SIMPLE. Create that new energy by thinking, “I want to know what I want”.
This small thought isn’t a miracle creator, but it’s the first step you need to get into a better mindset.
Often we see others living their dreams and being passionate about what they do. It’s natural for us to want the same thing out of life. We all want to find that one thing that lights our fire, motivates us, and excites us.
Often we are told to live the life that we dream about and do the things that we are passionate about. It’s great advice and all - but sometimes it’s not practical. Doing what we love DEFINITELY will help make our lives more enjoyable, less stressful, and happier. But what if you haven’t found that thing that makes you tick? How do you live the life you want when you don’t know what it is that you are passionate about?
In my personal experience and from taking to others, I have found that there are many of us who haven’t found their passion yet. It makes us feel a bit left out, or like there’s something wrong with us. STOP IT! That’s not true and it’s OKAY to not know what you are passionate about. You’re not alone.
If you do know what you are passionate about, make your life about feeding it! You’re one step ahead of the game.
If you don’t know what your passion is, make your life about trying new things, exploring, and learning about the things that draw your attention. Get out of your box of unknowns and learn to try something new and different. Have fun while doing it, and after you’ve given it time and it’s just not your thing, then cross it off your list! No biggie. We’re humans, so we typically enjoy the things that we are good at. If you’re trying something new, give yourself actual consistent time (~16 weeks) to see if you can learn to get better at something before moving on to the next thing.
I used to beat myself up because I felt like I was always trying different things and couldn’t stick with one thing. I thought it was a character flaw to not be committed to one activity. Maybe I’m just a bit ADD, or maybe I just love trying out all different things in life. I haven’t quite pinpointed it, but one day I’ll know for sure what my passion is. But since I have accepted that part of who I am, I have been able to enjoy the unknown and the excitement and fear of testing out be waters of all the things that life has to offer.
If you don’t know what your passion is, then become passionate about trying new things, getting out of your comfort zone, and exploring life to find what it is that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.
2010-2013 was a time in my life of self discovery, soul searching, fear, excitement, sadness, happiness, stress, but most of all, personal growth. I graduated college, got a job that fit my degree, moved into an apartment in the city by myself, and eventually realized that I was on my own and had to face myself, my own thoughts, and my own dreams and fears, while learning things about myself I never knew.
Year one post-college was like PTSD from living by rules of others. This stress came from unhealthy relationships, playing by the rules of school, family, religion, and modern day expectations and stereotypes. I was constantly making decisions based on what other people thought were right, what I was “should” do, what other people did that worked for them, etc. “What would he or she think if I did this?” was constantly going through my head. This over thinking brought unnecessary anxiety, stress, and self-doubt.
During this time there was only one real thing that I knew what I wanted for myself; it was looking great and getting into shape. I chose not to play sports in high school or college and in turn I felt like I was missing a huge part of myself. I was determined to start my own physical fitness journey so I began working out consistently for the first time in my life. I was fortunate enough to have dated someone who taught me how to eat differently and lift weights, which changed my physique and life for the better. Feeling good and looking good brought me a huge amount of confidence that I never knew that I had or could have.
It wasn’t until after 1-1.5 years after college graduation that I had the confidence to start making decisions based on my personal desires while throwing everyone else’s opinions out the window. To be honest, it was scary at first, really scary. And difficult! Maybe part of the difficulty to think for myself came from the territory of being the youngest child and naturally doing what everyone else did by following other people’s footsteps, or being raised to always to do the right thing, which caused me to never want to disappoint anyone. None of these were bad things, but I think it trained me to live by other’s expectations and not mine.
Health Isn’t Just Physical; It’s Mental, Too
Two years out of college I was in the best shape I had ever been in and looked great, but that didn’t keep me feeling good or as healthy as it should have. STRESS. We all know it; it kills you. No matter how well you eat or how much you work out, if there’s an excess of stress in your life and you’re not happy with the rest of your life, you end up sick, tired, depressed, and not the best you that you can be. That was me. I was having health issue after health issue, always going to the doctor for one thing to the next, or just getting run down constantly when there was finally a day off of work/school, and not being able to enjoy the time off I had. Most of this stress came from an internal conflict; I was very unhappy with my career. I was doing a great thing by teaching music and bringing joy to the lives of underprivileged inner city students, but it just wasn’t my dream or passion. I got into it because I was good at it, but that wasn’t enough. The biggest problem was that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I have found that problem to be one of the biggest reasons for unhappiness. And that took over every thought it my head; “I don’t know what I want”. It became an obsession and I couldn’t think about much else.
The Law of Attraction – Feeding My Desires
In my third year of teaching I was recommended the book “The Secret”. This book is based on the book and theory of “The Law of Attraction”. The term comes from the theory that “like attracts like” and that focusing on negative thoughts brings negative results in your life, while focusing on positive thoughts brings positive results. It taught me many lessons, but the biggest two lessons that I took from the book were 1) Always think about what you want and 2) If you don’t know what you want, think, “I want to know what I want”. Lesson 2 transformed my negative thoughts to hopeful thoughts and gave me faith that with time, I would understand what I wanted to do with my life.
My Happiness Journal – Who Am I? What Am I Grateful For? What Do I Want?
At the end of 2012, after reading “The Secret”, I started my own “Happiness Journal”. I took a blank workbook, and based on suggestions from the book, each day I started a template and filled in the blanks of “I am”, “I am grateful for” and “I want”. In the back of the book I started my own bucket list. Getting to know yourself is intimidating. It’s easy to just roll through life having someone else tell you what you want and how you should live your life; but it’s empowering to truly understand your own mind and your own life desires. It’s so easy to never actually do it; no one else is accountable for your thoughts and no one else is in your head but you! This journal forced me to take the negative thoughts in my head and find a way to find its opposite. It taught me how to manipulate my thoughts of worry and fear to thoughts of confidence, gratefulness, positivity, and desire. Confronting myself by using my “Happiness Journal” was the start of my personal freedom, mental health, and happiness.
Writing in my journal gave me the confidence to act on my fears and have the will power the change the things that I didn’t like in my life. I realized that I needed help! I hired a career counselor who helped me learn more about myself through coaching and personality tests. She was able to help me use my skills and experience and find a job in consultative sales, an area that fit my personality very well.
How the Happiness Journal Has Helped Keep Me Happy the Last Two + Years
Confronting my fears, hiring a counselor, and switching careers was a time of a lot of transition! It was gut wrenching, time consuming, and intimidating, but so worth it. I’ve never been happier! My happiness isn’t a result of a magic journal. It’s a result of the actions that I continue to take from understanding myself, loving myself and having confidence in myself, being grateful and positive, taking the time to do the things I enjoy in life, and understanding what I want in life. Happiness doesn’t come from getting what you want. It comes from understanding what you want and embarking in a positive journey to attain those desires. Happiness is a proactive choice that we must make on our own, and my journal helps me keep this mindset. The journey is invigorating, eye-opening, and
awakening. I am constantly learning about myself, changing, and working towards new goals based on my desires. I don’t have the perfect job, house, or everything that I want, but I have become content with my life because I have learned to find happiness within myself. Your own happiness is a personal journey and will be unique to you. And that’s why I am so exited to finally share my journal with you – it gives you the opportunity to find your personal happiness. Be happy. Be YOU.
You can find the “Happiness Journal” on my website. Click “Healthy Mind”.
March 15, 2015 The largest part of my health and happiness came from just that; forgetting the rules and playing by my heart. I’m pretty sure your heart and your gut are one in the same. When you don’t listen to it you become stressed, overwhelmed, sick, and unhappy. Living by the rules and the “should’s” seems like the right thing to do, but rules and “should’s” are someone else’s ideas of happiness; not yours. Finding your own inner peace and happiness involves removing others’ opinions and judgements and having the courage to follow what feels right in your heart, your head, and your gut. You will disappoint people. People will have expectations of what you should do and what is “right”, but those that love you will eventually accept the rules that you create in your life. That’s not to say we can’t learn from other’s opinions and use them as teaching tools, but when it comes down to it, playing by your heart and your own rules is is the way to personal freedom and happiness. #chocolate inspiration.
You can change. You can be whoever you want, do whatever you want. I’ve been fascinated by body building because I discovered that with consistency and focus, I can look the way I want. I learned that people who’s bodies that I was jealous of worked their asses off for it; but I could too.
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO CHANGE? 1. Figure out what it is you want. Don’t be a afraid of this. Make a goal or goals based on what you desire. 2. CONSISTENCY. It took me two + years to get that ass after losing some initial weight! 3. Hire a professional for help. We all need help. Especially when it’s something new. Or at the very least, do your research and find out how other people achieved what it is you want. 4. Get uncomfortable. You’ll be working outside of your comfort zone. 5. BELIEF/FAITH/CONFIDENCE: You have to believe that you can have it, reach it, do it, or be it.
You can interpret that any way you like. But here’s what I really mean…
Your challenge in 2015 is to take the time out of every day to do something for you, that make you, YOU. (or at a minimum, once a week.)
So here’s a pic of me, 1/6/2015 (six days ago) after getting my hair done. Some of you think I get my beautiful blonde hair from my Dad. Those of you who know me know IT’S FAKE. But, I love it. I had light hair when I was little, but the 50% Italian in me quickly took over and my hair got darker, year-by-year. Where am I going with this? …
I used to live by “should’s”, and thought, “I shouldn’t get my hair highlighted… it should be natural. I don’t want people to think I’m fake.” First, that’s stupid. Second, if I went au natural all the time then I’d have stinky hairy armpits and dark circles under my eyes. I had to force myself to get over that and now I LOVE the way that my “fake” hair looks. It just feels like me.
Sometimes, as simple as it is, we have to just do what makes us feel good and what makes us feel like ourselves. How often to we just ignore our instincts of who we want to be? Usually it’s our own fear that holds us back. Sometime’s it is someone else’s opinion.
What makes you feel like YOU?
What do you imagine yourself doing when your mind is wandering off into space?
My challenge for you this year is to take time out of every single day (or at least once a week!) to do something that feels like you. We too often get so caught up in life, in work, in school, that we forget to do take care of ourselves and feed our inner minds and bodies for the things that make us feel like individuals. We lose our identities when work becomes our life, or when we bend to someone else’s rules.
Follow your instincts. Go back to the basics. Listen to your intuition. Listen to your body. Embrace and be proud of the things that get you excited. It doesn’t matter if it’s not “cool”, if it’s super nerdy, or even if what you want to do changes every day. You’re unique and you’re awesome.
What am I going to do in 2015?
Fantastic question, thank you for asking! To start, I will answer the question “what do you imagine yourself doing when your mind is wandering off into space?”… I am either:
swinging around like a monkey from tree to tree or from some sort of obstacle to to the next
doing flips and handstands
dancing
climbing things or
flying (not in an airplane, but like superman)
I guess I’m just closely related to our ape ancestors.
I’ve always felt this way. I even did gymnastics when I was a kid. I quit. I’m not 100% sure why I quit, but my best guess is that fear held me back. I do remember being scared of falling off the balance beam. But that instinct of being a monkey or a gymnast has never gone away. My twenties have consisted of me slowly chipping away the pieces that cover up the person I want to be. I didn’t like the way I looked, so I got determined to get into shape. Now I’m finally facing my fears and confronting my natural instincts and desires. This year I’m going to start doing the things that deep down in my gut makes me feel like me.
Why am I making a plan? If I make a plan and say that I’m going to do it, I’m much more likely to actually follow it, or at the very least, do better than not making a plan. Two years ago I put on about 8 pounds and I didn’t have a plan. I was also coming off of dieting really hard and didn’t have enough balance with my food prior to the holiday season. I was too strict with my diet before the winter months and didn’t allow some of the “not as healthy” foods in my diet… hence the weight gain once the tasty treats began! Last year I had a plan for the first time ever. I didn’t stick to it 100%, but I did better than I ever did. I only gained a couple of pounds and was easier to work back off.
So What’s my plan for the big family holiday dinner days?
Meal One: Meal Replacement Isagenix Shake. It’s delicious, nutritious, and a perfect balance of macronutrients (protein, fats, and carbs). It’s a lower (than most) calorie meal, and I’m guaranteed to start the day out well by having a healthy and balanced meal full of essential vitamins, nutrients, and minerals.
Appetizers: Skip! As much as I love cheese, crackers, and veggie dip, these extra calories just aren’t worth it to me! I also won’t feel like I’m missing out.
Dinner: Fill up my plate with all of the tasty and not-so-healthy foods that are specially prepared for the holiday! If it’s something I don’t LOVE the taste of, I won’t take it. It won’t be worth the extra calories. But I’m sure as hell gonna enjoy that stuffing, mac ‘n cheese, turkey, and whatever else will be there. I am a fast eater, overeater, and picker by nature, so my goal is to eat slowly and really enjoy every bite. That will help me not overeat.
Dessert: Hell yea I’m eating dessert! No more than one small plate full, and again, if it’s not something I REALLY enjoy, I’m not going to waste the extra calories. But I want to enjoy the tasty holiday treats at the same time. Right before dessert I’m going to have a plain protein shake. This will help me not overeat the sweets. It will fill me up a bit and the protein will help slow down the digestion of the large amount of sugar.
Weight gain typically happens when you overeat carbs and fats. Desserts = sugar (carbs) and butter (fat)! Tasty, but in excess it leads to fat gain. I want to enjoy my family holidays, but when it comes to the many other events going on around the holidays, I plan on cutting back on the sweets this year. If I decide to eat dessert, I will count it as a meal and will eat a protein shake with it. It’s not the best or healthiest option, but it allows me some flexibility.
What’s my plan for the days outside of the big holidays / normal days of the season?
Outside of the family dinner days I’ll be sticking to my normal typical healthy diet plan. If I end up with leftovers, I will only eat the “clean” ones, meaning food without a lot of excess oils, sugars, creams, etc. added to it. Those are the hidden calories that you come across at restaurants and in tasty holiday dishes. I want to enjoy those foods on those special events, but I also need balance and don’t want to be eating them every day for a month or two straight. So I’ll only eat leftovers if it’s something that I feel is clean and healthy for the non-holiday meals.
Desserts and baking at home: Same goes for baking. I don’t plan on taking desserts home. I took a ton of desserts home last year… and probably like you, if it’s sitting at home and I see it… I will eat it! I want to enjoy the desserts, but I also want to have some balance. I’ve recently started experimenting with healthier dessert alternatives, so that’s my plan this year. Home baking and desserts that will be in my house during the holiday will be stuff like:
I plan on sticking to my typical weight lifting routine. Gotta keep moving! Days sometimes get missed with gym schedules, traveling, and family dinner schedules during this time and that’s ok. It’s gonna happen and as Taylor Swift so greatly says, “shake it off” and start new the next day. But the days that I lift, I will get a damn good workout in and I may even throw day or two of cardio in. Maybe. Or yoga instead because I enjoy it much more! It will help make up for the extra food and the food will fuel my workouts. Use it for muscle gains!
I hope this helps you with your upcoming holiday plan! It’s important to share special moments with family and friends and not feel guilty about what you’re eating. It’s also important to find some balance.
You can change. You can be whoever you want, do whatever you want. I’ve been fascinated by body building because I discovered that with consistency and focus, I can look the way I want. I learned that people who’s bodies that I was jealous of worked their asses off for it; but I could too.
